If a tree falls in the forest …

If no one buys a ticket to a late-night screening of “Argo,” does the show still go on?

emptytheaterThat was my question to the handful of workers outnumbering us crazy patrons at Fairfax Corner multiplex this dead Monday night. The legal occupancy of Theater No. 7 is 521. Tonight’s occupancy: 1.

That’s me.

I wanted to make sure I wasn’t keeping anyone from quitting early. The manager assured me: It would play to an empty house, even if I wasn’t here.

Phew. Good thing I’m here.

I’ve rented the theater for two hours, for only $11.50. What a freakin’ deal.

Party on.

And this, after I just sat through a two-hour-forty-six-minute “Django Unchained.”

I’m totally off the hook — off my plush high-backed rocker.